Skinny hipster: Well, I only say “amateur taxidermist” because he only takes the animal apart and freezes it, but he doesn’t actually stuff it.
Overheard by: curious
Man to girlfriend, watching penguins frolic in water: Wow, it’s almost as if they’re birds that can swim.
–Central Park Zoo, Penguin House
20-something to kid: I think sauntering is something horses do, and moseying is something that… walruses do.
Hipster guy to friend: Now I’m the two turtles fucking guy!