Mom to children: Don’t touch the building! This is a very dirty city! You are going to get really, really sick!

–Herald Square

Middle aged Italian guy to lady friend on bench: I have a bidet, a portable one where you flip it on and it goes under you and it cleans you. I don’t like being dirty.

–7th Ave & 9th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jon

Angry middle aged woman: Anne, when you’ve got a minute… I’m covered in grease.

–49th & 7th

Female conductor, over PA system: Do not put your feet on the seats, people! These are seats, not footrests – and you are not the only one who rides this train! You think other passengers wanna sit in the dirt offa your shoes? God, I can’t believe I even hafta be tellin’ you this!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Morning Glory