Guy on cell: …yeah, and then I got ar­rest­ed. So what’s up with you?

–Brook­lyn Heights

Cop: Man, there’s a lot of Grade A ass out here to­day!

–Ground Ze­ro

Guy: Don’t feel bad, hon­ey. I’d say that one out of every 8 guys is a con­vict­ed ar­son­ist.

–Union Square

Cop: Man, I hate go­ing to the bath­room. You got­ta take all this stuff off!

–Barnes & No­ble, 22nd Street

Over­heard by: Tom­my Raiko