20-something guy: I’ve been drinking for, what, seven hours now? (mumbles) Fuck this shit. Fuck that shit. Fuck the French consulate! 

–F Train

Overheard by: Amy

Drunk 20-something on cell, after boyfriend steps away: He went for more beer.
3 16-ounce beers and a pretzel so far. Yeah, I have a buzz, ohmigod, it’s way hot. Yes, he is… You know how I get with a beer buzz. Yes, I hope we leave soon. (pause) His place.
I hope he makes a pretzel out of me!

–Yankee Stadium

Very drunk woman slurring to red-headed guy and Indian guy she just met: Ginger and Indian! Ginger and Indian, come here!

–L Train

Overheard by: Alison R

Drunk guy walking into store to cashier: Excuse me ma’am, where is the duck tape? I have a bit of a situation…

–Home Store, Brooklyn