Conductor of very crowded train: If you stand between the doors, next to the signs that say “do not block the doors,” you’re probably stupid. Sir! You! You in the white shirt! Get out of the doors!
Overheard by: in my seat
Subway conductor, over PA, in thick Brooklyn accent: Get off the doors! What do you want, a death wish?
Overheard by: Sophia
MTA conductor, frustrated by passengers preventing doors from closing: Let the doors close, I don’t tell you when to flip the burgers.
–Times Square Shuttle
Conductor, over the PA, exasperated: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a *train.* That means there are four doors per car and ten cars in all. That makes forty doors through which you can enter and exit the train. This isn’t a bus with only one door. In order to keep the trains running in a timely fashion, please use all available doors. Thank you for your cooperation.
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: Rose
Train conductor, over PA: Hey, kemosabe, quit holding the doors open! We got places to go.
(a few seconds later) Let me know where you work, so I can hold open your doors!
–Downtown A Express Train
Overheard by: faith