Hipster to friend: Bagel just texted me. He wants to know if he can play ukulele on your roof.

–10th St & Ave B

Train conductor: Oh, hell no. I know you’re not gonna get on my train and start playing those instruments. Those aren’t even instruments. What is that, a bucket? If you start playing that, I will kick you off my train. Did you get that? I’d better not hear you making any noise. (pause) Good. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–2 Train

Crazy old man wearing chucks and drinking a Pepsi: Can’t play no flute, can’t play no fife, can’t play no saxophone, can’t play no violin… Jesus died for our sins. Did you do that? Do you understand me or am I speaking Chinese?

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Meaghan

Wigger guy on Bluetooth: I shouldn’t have said “pianist,” man, it sounded like “penis.”

–1 Train

Overheard by: Adam