Guy: Baby, I gotta piss, shit…barf, burp, sneeze, all that crap.

–Astroland

Punk girl: Oh my God. If I see Jorge I’m going to poop my pants.

–Randall’s Island

Overheard by: Holly Kaye

Woman: Do you know how nasty maxi pads are? It’s like a baby sitting in its own shit. It’s like me sloshing around in my own blood!

–22nd & Park 

Overheard by: Sion Harrington

Crazy lady: Can I get some privacy? I saw you peeking through the crack. All I wanna do is pee. Can I get some privacy? All I wanna do is pee. If you wanna see pussy, I can show you where to go but can I get some privacy? All I wanna do is pee!

–Penn Station ladies’ room

Overheard by: bebe

Woman: Excuse me! If you’re going to pee on the seat do you think you could at least wipe it off when you’re done so the next person doesn’t have to sit in it? 

–Grand Central ladies’ room

Dude on cell: …so I picked it up and there was, like, some brown stuff on it that I thought was, like, dirt. So I went to brush it off with my hand…but dude, it, like, wasn’t dirt…no…

–Penn Station

Overheard by: P. Mills

Girl: Yo, this motherfucking butterscotch tastes like jizz!

–Loews, 32nd & 2nd

Overheard by: annie lin

Woman on cell: I don’t even know how to wash his balls when they’re that dirty!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: cat verde

Punk chick: Guys are so lucky they don’t have to bleed and when they do, it’s like, all manly.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Miss Amelia