Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck out­ta here. How many times have I asked her to go to God­damn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sun­day, I ask that bitch to go to God­damn church with me. Nev­er! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.

–Sepho­ra, 19th & 5th

Over­heard by: yas­sira dig­gs

Mor­mon guy: So last time I was here, I was try­ing to get to Co­lum­bia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t be­lieve I’m the on­ly white per­son here!” And sure enough, I was the on­ly white per­son there. I mean, I was wear­ing a tie!

–flight in­to JFK

Woman: Oh boy, you are in trou­ble girl. Je­sus says to come over here right now. Je­sus says come over here now!

–Brook­lyn Mu­se­um

Guy: So I re­al­ly need your ad­vice. My wife was dri­ving on the LIE, and she had a vi­sion from God telling her to sleep with this oth­er guy, so she did. Well, I fi­nal­ly got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and every­thing I say is a lie. I re­al­ly want to work this out with her, you know?

–Penn Sta­tion

God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Je­sus, ’cause I got Je­sus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anoint­ed, you’re dis­ap­point­ed!

–4 train

Over­heard by: saltylips

God Squad woman: Here come da Je­sus, fire from his mouth!

–1st Av­enue L sta­tion

Over­heard by: Adam Nathan

Girl: Je­sus there’s like a restau­rant every two feet here.

–46th be­tween 8th & 9th

Man: …come to think about it, my grand­fa­ther was in charge of the marsh­mal­low burn­ing dur­ing Joan of Ar­c’s burn­ing, so I guess it’s in my her­itage!

–45th be­tween 8th & 9th

Over­heard by: Alex Venguer