MC guy: Okay everyone, I need a verb!
Girl: Crysturbate!
MC guy: Cry…what?
Girl: It’s like, when you’re sad and you masturbate! 

–Kimmel Center, Washington Square South

Overheard by: Athena

Woman: …so, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to masturbate or cry!

–Comfort Diner, West 23rd Street