Bounc­er: You see, the schlemiel is the guy who spills his soup in a restau­rant. The schli­mazel is the guy who has the soup spilled on him.

–1st & A

Guy: Well, what col­or was this Jew?

–Fort Greene

Woman on cell: …That’s just so not my thing. I am not that kind of Jew, Lar­ry, okay?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Nicole

La­dy lawyer: This is a dis­as­ter. They should nev­er put non-Jews in charge of the cater­ing.

–Of­fice, Rock­e­feller Plaza

Chick: Come to think of it, all of my Jew­ish friends went to sum­mer camp. Is­n’t that kind of iron­ic though; Jews at camp?

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Aman­da

Teen boy: I want to be Jew­ish when I grow up.

–A train

Over­heard by: drewseph

Guy on cell: You de­serve a gold Jew­ish Star of David!…Did you swallow?…Yeah, that’s true, one step at a time.

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: SEM