Stoned chick: I’ve got to do all the drugs I can today. I’m going into rehab next week.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Matt M

Old man: Yeah, my daughter moved out a few months ago. She loves her university and smokes a lot of pot.

–Bleecker St

English professor: Is that what you say when you’re in your room popping ecstasy with the door closed?

–City College

Southern woman on cell: Have fun with the kids. Oh? He died? Joe’s son died? Why’d he die so young? Vicodin overdose? Oh, I will be careful. Well, that’s what happens when you take too much Vicodin. You die.

– CVS, 54th & Lex

Overheard by: Your Mom

Teenage girl: Yeah, she sucks now that she’s a crack addict

–Columbia University

Overheard by: An offended crack addict

Literary critic: It was Sherlock Holmes who got me on coke.

–Cherry Tree bar, 4th Ave, Park Slope