Bar­tender: This is so weird, but you just can’t tell any­one. I don’t know what to do about Fred*. I had a few peo­ple over on Fri­day, and when every­one left my pants were miss­ing. So I had every­one over again on Sun­day, and I left the draw­er with my pants closed. He goes to the bath­room and comes back with a huge bulge in his trousers, and my draw­er is open and I am miss­ing a pair of pants.
Wait­ress: So what are you gonna do?
Bar­tender: From now on I on­ly buy skirts.

–Na­tion, 45th & 5th

Over­heard by: Bare­ly swal­lowed my drink