Ur­ban Tarzan: I grew up in a house of mon­keys. My moth­er was a mon­key, my fa­ther was a mon­key, my broth­er was a pig.

–Main St, Roo­sevelt Is­land

Over­heard by: king vol­cano

Cus­tomer on cell: Well, the kids fi­nal­ly found Grand­ma’s python.

–Dol­lar Store, Ful­ton St

Over­heard by: fi­at lux

Ge­nius: I re­al­ly can’t stand cats. They’re just fur­ry rats.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Woman: I feel so guilty when the cat catch­es me mas­tur­bat­ing.

–B&J Fab­rics, 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Sham­rock

Young man on cell: Wait. Are you talk­ing about what’s nor­mal for pen­guins or what’s nor­mal for four-year-olds?

–El­e­va­tor, Belle­vue Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: pa­tient

White teen: Turkeys are mad strong, you know that?

–Bleeck­er be­tween Lafayette & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Mid­dle-aged woman on cell: I have to get home to cook spaghet­ti for my cat.

–3rd Ave, be­tween 53rd & 54th