Con­duc­tor: May I see your tick­et, please?
Drunk tran­ny: I al­ready showed my tick­et.
Con­duc­tor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tran­ny: What the fuck? I al­ready showed my damn tick­et.
Con­duc­tor: OK, calm down. Just show me your tick­et, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tran­ny: You are prob­a­bly a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the dis­re­spect I get. I am fuck­ing chang­ing cars.

–Long Beach bound LIRR