Woman on cell: So he gave me this huge body hug…and he was covered in vaseline!

–34th St

Overheard by: Fishwives

JAP: Oh my god, I just sneezed, like, all over that girl!

–Uptown 6 train

Overheard by: that girl

Guys walking: I’ve got the most disgusting couch in the world.

–Coffee Shopp, Union Square

Sanitation man sorting through garbage: Hey Vinnie, wanna half hero?

–67th St

Man on cell: She was shmearing neosporin all over the place.

–Christopher and 7th Ave

Woman: I must say, I’ve eaten a lot of things off the floor today.

–Park Slope

Drunk girl: Seriously, is this what it’s come to? My stomach fat covers my vagina?

–Four Faced Liar, West 4th St

Overheard by: pebbles

Man on cell: Well, for the past few days I’ve been coughing up phlegm.

–Citarella, 3rd Ave and 75th St