Middle-aged man at Metrocard machine to MTA booth employee: You know these things don’t work, right? I mean, you know they don’t work? [Employee ignores him] Hey, do you care?

–Grand Central

MTA lady on loudspeaker: [Stops singing loudly] What? No, the speaker’s not on. You can hear me? But it’s not on. Huh? You can hear me, too? Damn.

–Union Street Station, Park Slope

Overheard by: Just wanna wait in peace

MTA guy with microphone: Please keep your eyes open — there is a large rat running around on the platform. Please keep your eyes open — large rat — very large.

–V Station, 51st St

Overheard by: Ethan

MTA lady talking to no one visible: You one-armed nuisance! You are really getting on my nerves!

–In front of Staten Island Ferry, Staten Island 

Overheard by: Jackie

Happy hour queen ascending subway steps: Did you know all these spots are gum? This entire subway station is constructed of chewing gum!

–Subway station, 14th & 7th

Overheard by: wish i had a drink too

Disgruntled man: Who needs terrorists when you have the MTA?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Alice