Male 9 to 5‑er: And, you know, they’re all dwarves… But I would­n’t be em­bar­rassed to go out with them.

–Fed­er­al Plaza

Cig­a­rette-voiced JAP: Yeah, he was lame. But I on­ly fake-dat­ed him in, like, eighth grade.

–54th & 11th

Hip­ster on cell: If you sleep to­geth­er af­ter­wards, it’s a date.

–Man­hat­tan Ave, Green­point

Over­heard by: Miss Heather

Thug: Yo, the rule is, if you take her out to din­ner and a movie she has to suck your cock. That’s the rule.

–23rd & 8th

Over­heard by: Liza

Girl on cell: Look, Pe­ter, I’m not say­ing that I hate you. It’s just that you fuck­ing an­noy me so much that I’d rather eat my own spleen than go out with you again.

–Star­bucks, 45th & 6th

Over­heard by: al­ways turn­ing up my IPOD

Girl on cell: No, she did­n’t dump him on you. She dumped him and then he got on you.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Steve O