Teen boy: I could­n’t put it all the way in, though.
Teen girl: Ew, ew, ew.
Teen boy: I don’t know how they do that in pornos.
Teen girl: One sec­ond — are you gay?
Teen boy: Not re­al­ly. Like, I’d to­tal­ly do you.
Teen girl: You wish! Got Jake’s shit all over your dick. Ain’t no way.

–Smil­ing Piz­za, 7th Ave, Park Slope

Head­line by: Ma­lin­ger­er

Run­ners-Up:

· “Bi-cu­ri­ousi­ty killed the pussy” — Mo­josaves

· “Have your jake and eat it too” — teen­sare­dis­gust­ing

· “He called ‘no ho­mo’ ” — Jedi­pus

· “He prob­a­bly could­n’t put it all the way in, be­cause he’s not will­ing to come all the way out” — Ryan

· “Jake the Ger­man Shep­herd was ex­tra ea­ger to meet his mas­ter that night.” — Adren­na

· “Me­thinks the la­dy doth protest too much” — ass­ley

· “The Straw That Broke­back Moun­tain” — B

· “The shit wash­es off. The gay? Not so much.” — Sean

· “Then How ’bout a Dirty Sanchez?” — Hobo Whis­per­er

· “When the front door slams shut, some­times the back door opens” — steve de­van

· “You say toma­to, I say he­pati­tis” — Mark Poepsel


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