Little boy to mom: I didn’t know that sometimes alarm clocks don’t work. This conversation is over now. We are not discussing it anymore.

–F train, Park Slope

Thug: Don’t whiz on the electric fence!

–D train, Fordham Rd station

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Guy shouting at motorcyclist revving engine: It’s a fucking Yamaha! It’s only a fucking Yamaha!

–St. Marks & 2^nd Ave

Overheard by: shadday

Ghetto chick: Dwayne stole that iPod, anyway. He should have given it to me for free!

–14^th St station

Overheard by: am I missing an ipod?

Guy: It’d take a big-ass blowtorch to circumcise a robot.

–Waverly Pl & Greene St