Irish guy: Yeah, I’m a hun­dred per­cent Irish. I just got back from Ire­land this sum­mer.
Black chick: Oh, you’re Irish? I’m part Irish.
Irish guy, skep­ti­cal: Re­al­ly?
Black chick: No, se­ri­ous­ly. An Irish slave mas­ter raped my great, great grand­moth­er.
Irish guy: Well, my fam­i­ly got here in 1909.

–Ulysses’ Bar