Teenage boy tourist: Times Square is by far the coolest part of New York. It’s al­most like heav­en!

–Times Square

A tourist is cran­ing his neck to pho­to­graph the Em­pire State Build­ing.

New York­er: What is he look­ing at?! … Oh.

–34th & 5th

Tourist: There is­n’t any­where with­in walk­ing dis­tance.

–53rd & Lex

Over­heard by: Not a Clue­less Tourist

Hobo, af­ter steal­ing some­one’s lug­gage: Tourists need to be more care­ful when they come to New York City.

–6th Ave & 23rd St

Over­heard by: BOB Sled

Tourist drop­ping mon­ey in front of frozen fe­male mime he’s been star­ing at for five min­utes: That was tru­ly in­cred­i­ble. Thank you so much.

–Out­side Mo­MA

Tourist: I guess we should go to the Ground Ze­roes.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Sal­ly Toma­to

Thug: Just push them out of the way. They’re tourists, they’ll love it.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: duff­duff