Nine-year-old girl: Trick or treat! If you don’t have any can­dy, you can give my mom some liquor!

–Wine shop, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Cath­erynne Va­lente

Cute chick on cell: Hel­lo, Mom. I’m just call­ing to tell you I got a tat­too, and I’m telling you on your voice­mail so I don’t have to hear any shit from you about it. Call me af­ter you calm down. Bye.

–Canal & Lafayette

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Mom and nine-year-old daugh­ter are walk­ing hand-in-hand.

Daugh­ter, shriek­ing: No, Mom­my, please don’t buy the ra­zor! Any­thing but the ra­zor, Mom­my!

–74th & Broad­way

Tween girl: My moth­er is prob­a­bly go­ing to shit on my head.

–Broad­way & 67th

Over­heard by: thaler

Hip­ster NYU dude: She’s not my moth­er any­more.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: ya­mutha