Nine-year-old girl: Trick or treat! If you don’t have any candy, you can give my mom some liquor!
–Wine shop, Chelsea
Overheard by: Catherynne Valente
Cute chick on cell: Hello, Mom. I’m just calling to tell you I got a tattoo, and I’m telling you on your voicemail so I don’t have to hear any shit from you about it. Call me after you calm down. Bye.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: Big Larry
Mom and nine-year-old daughter are walking hand-in-hand.
Daughter, shrieking: No, Mommy, please don’t buy the razor! Anything but the razor, Mommy!
–74th & Broadway
Tween girl: My mother is probably going to shit on my head.
–Broadway & 67th
Overheard by: thaler
Hipster NYU dude: She’s not my mother anymore.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: yamutha