Woman on cell: I don’t know if my horoscope is about my husband or my boyfriend.

–19th St & Park Ave South

Overheard by: Jenny

Guy on cell: If I fuck another woman in the ass, that’s not, like, really cheating, is it? I mean, it’s just her ass. Shit comes out of there. It’s less personal than the twat… You don’t think so?

–Court St, Boro Hall, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Chick on cell: How do I hide a hickey? I’m hiding it from my boyfriend… No, it’s not from him… No, not from him either… I’ll tell you later, I promise… Yes, I know I have a problem — it is big and red and on my neck and I do not need lectures right now. I need to figure out if I am ‘Creamy Ivory’ or ‘Tawny Honey’!

–Rite-Aid, 40th St & Broadway

Ghetto girl to boyfriend: It’s not cheating — they’re in entertainment.

–63rd & Amsterdam

Old Irish guy: That’s why Jesus died for our sins, ’cause he knew we’d be out with other women.

–Midtown Union Bar, 44th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Danny Lynch

Business chick: So, then, I really don’t consider it cheating, because it happened before the whole Santa thing.

–49th & Broadway

Overheard by: what the hell is going on??

Guy on phone: Look, I know she was my girlfriend when we were in high school… Yeah, yeah, I know it’s been 20 years — of course people change… Two kids ain’t that bad… I know she married, but you don’t get it — she does yoga. Have you ever banged a chick that’s done yoga? Look, man, she does the handstand thing… I know I’m going to hell… Or her husband will catch us first. Haha, do you really think anyone is listening to this shit? No. And if they are, who the hell are they going to tell?

–7 train