Guy: Then I looked down at her and said, ‘Your bleached teeth are burning my dick!’

–Caliente Cab Co., Waverly & Green

Suit to female companion: You’ll stick your tongue up my ass, but you won’t share my toothbrush because of germs?!

–Renaissance Hotel, Times Square

Overheard by: Big Larry

Girl on cell: … So then he asked me to leave my toothbrush at his place, and I said no. And then he never called me again! I’m glad I didn’t leave my toothbush there.

–1 train

Overheard by: joe d.

Guy on cell: … So I lost my job, and he brushed my teeth for six months.

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Young girl to mother pushing stroller: Oh, right, like I’ve never brushed her hair. Like I’ve never fed her or brushed her teeth. What the hell have you done for her?

–63rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jillian