Guy: I sold everything — the script, TV episodes, merchandising rights… They paid me two million dollars. It sucks, because after I pay off debts and taxes I’ll only have one million, and that doesn’t go as far as it used to.
Overheard by: foofoo
Fat chick: … So I was like, ‘Mom, what the fuck? I don’t need a diet.’ Then she goes, ‘But your doctor told you that you’re a hundred pounds overweight — eat healthier!’ Then I just told her, ‘Screw you!’ I’d rather go on Maury than lose weight!
Overheard by: Maury Povich’s viewer
Tween girl running towards crime scene minutes after a shooting: We’s gonna be on TV, nigga!
–137th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Liberace wannabe on cell: … And I thought, ‘Thank God,! She likes AbFab! At last, I can talk to her on a level playing field!’
–44th & 9th
Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. Plenty of seats, color TV, open bar.
–W train to Astoria
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
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