Dude: Well, it would be really nice if I could sleep with your sister.

–Washington Sq South

White girl: Well, if I’m so white, why do I have an uncle named Juan?!

–Hunter College

Scandinavian-looking girl: My mama has brothers who were Nazis. That’s why we don’t talk to them anymore. Oh, and because they’re dead, too.

–Bloomingdales

Girl crying and pleading with bouncer after he took her fake ID: But I need that back! It’s my sister’s, and she’s dead!

–Union Bar, Park Ave South

Overheard by: BOB Sled

Loud black chick on cell: Yo, mom, I’m gonna fuck your daughter up!

–H&M, Herald Square

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I told her if she don’t sign it, I’m gonna dig Daddy up and set him on her porch.

–18th & Park

Overheard by: Tony Jones

Woman on cell: Do we have a conscious grandmother or an unconscious grandmother? … Oh, goood!

–Macy’s

Overheard by: white_on_white