Dude: Well, it would be re­al­ly nice if I could sleep with your sis­ter.

–Wash­ing­ton Sq South

White girl: Well, if I’m so white, why do I have an un­cle named Juan?!

–Hunter Col­lege

Scan­di­na­vian-look­ing girl: My ma­ma has broth­ers who were Nazis. That’s why we don’t talk to them any­more. Oh, and be­cause they’re dead, too.

–Bloom­ing­dales

Girl cry­ing and plead­ing with bounc­er af­ter he took her fake ID: But I need that back! It’s my sis­ter’s, and she’s dead!

–Union Bar, Park Ave South

Over­heard by: BOB Sled

Loud black chick on cell: Yo, mom, I’m gonna fuck your daugh­ter up!

–H&M, Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: Limey

Chick: I told her if she don’t sign it, I’m gonna dig Dad­dy up and set him on her porch.

–18th & Park

Over­heard by: Tony Jones

Woman on cell: Do we have a con­scious grand­moth­er or an un­con­scious grand­moth­er? … Oh, goood!

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: white_on_white