Woman: Why are you not breathing? You’re the worst patient ever!

–ER, Methodist Hospital

Overheard by: Gena

Hipster to boyfriend: So, I lost three pounds last week. It’s because I went to the gynecologist…

–28th & 8th

Overheard by: Waiting for the next sentence

Nurse pushing old man in wheelchair: I’m not a real nurse.

–St. John’s Hospital

Boyfriend to girlfriend as they consume foot-long hotdogs: You’ve gotta ask yourself one question. Are you prepared to put your hands in shit every day? Because that’s all a job in health care is — putting your hands in shit.

–45th & 8th

Overheard by: kat

EMT rolling patient in on stretcher: This is the most ghetto hospital ever!

–ER, Woodhull Hospital, Brooklyn