Nine-year-old boy to friends: Don’t be talking smack about Jesus. He was one of our greatest presidents!

–Q train

Overheard by: J‑Lo

Hip chick in black whose dog poops in street: No! No! Jesus fucking Christ! [Looks up and notices she’s in front of large church.] Oops.

–71st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: She didn’t even pick it up

High school boy: He’s like a fat homeless Jesus who stole a rich man’s coat.

–Bronx

Soccer mom to another: You know, Friday nights are always a great time for Jesus.

–82nd and Columbus

Overheard by: Just bought a bottle of Jack to share with Jesus

Student on phone: All I have to say about being friends with Jesus is that unlimited fish sandwiches and wine doesn’t sound like a bad deal.

–NYU

Crazy guy: Praise Jesus! But stay outta my way — I will stab you.

–W 17th St

Overheard by: dawllyllama

Girl to friend: I mean, come on — who really cares about Jesus?

–Elevator, NYU Silver Center