Girl: I can’t complain because we’re not married — then I can complain all I want.

–Iron Sushi

14-year-old girl to mom: If you had married that other guy I would have been so much taller!

–70th & Lex

Overheard by: Evelyn

Hobo to bystander: You’re gonna marry a woman and not know she’s a government agent? How retarded can you get?!

–Queens-bound V train

Chick: What you’re saying is, he couldn’t afford the wastebasket so he got a wife?

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

20-ish chick on cell: I don’t care! He has chubby fingers… I’m still not going to marry him.

–97th & Broadway

Professor: Will you marry me?! Your father is dead!

–NYU