Professor: So, I realized I like everyone in the class, and I need to be indifferent about at least one person. So I’m going to pick someone at random. [Points at seating chart] Alicia. Oh, she’s not here. [She comes in late.] Oh, Alicia’s here. See if I care.

–NYU Law

Overheard by: Leslie G.

Professor: … And all of this relates to Freud’s concept of the super Eggo.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: had some for breakfast

Professor: Saturday night and Sunday morning are very different. Saturday night is for killing people!

–English class, Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Monia Paford

Professor: I haven’t lost any weight this semester… in case you noticed.

–Silver Center, NYU

Overheard by: Limey

Professor: Now, I think we already went over the properties of constructive and destructive waves in Chapter 15 last semester… But then again, I could be drunk.

–Physics Lecture Hall, NYU

Overheard by: I come to class for the jokes

Professor: I can just see those [small Jersey city] creeps sneaking over the river, buying Coach purses on Canal Street, going back home and pretending that they’re real… It burns me.