Woman: If it’s not illegal, it’s not worth doing. That’s my motto.

–Walker & Broadway

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Guy on cell: If I put on some weight around the middle, I’ll just go to jail and get my six-pack back. I don’t give a fuck!

–Bay Ridge Pkwy & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: The Inimitable Karen

Mother to young son: If you do that again, Mommy’s going to send you to Rikers!

–Staples, the Village

Overheard by: Afraid of Tough Love

Man to female companion: Imagine the kind of cool stuff we could do if we didn’t have jobs. We’d totally learn how to be pickpockets. What’s the worst that could happen? We’d get arrested and thrown in jail for a couple days every once in a while, but we’d make so much money!

–Rockefeller Center

Pilot: … And to your left you’ll see Rikers Island, where I spend my weekends…

–Flight to LaGuardia

Overheard by: Drumm

Angry woman: Thank God that shit came back negative. Maybe I can drop them charges now!

–Free STD screening clinic, Brooklyn