Archive for the ‘A-List’ Category

You Look a Lot Less Like You in Per­son

Man #1: What is go­ing on here?
Man #2: They are film­ing the new Sex in the City movie with Sarah Jes­si­ca Park­er. They have the en­trance to the sub­way blocked off.
Man #1: Won­der­ful. I would­n’t even know what Sarah Jes­si­ca Park­er looks like.
Woman near­by: Hi. I’m Sarah Jes­si­ca Park­er.
Man #1: Nice to meet you. Can I go home now?
Sarah Jes­si­ca Park­er: Sure, go ahead.

–Out­side 6 train en­trance

Over­heard by: Matt

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just Big-Boned

Chick: Then he peer-pres­sured me in­to be­ing mor­bid­ly obese!

–1 train

Girl on cell: Noth­ing’s big­ger than Oprah, not even my moth­er’s ass!

–Ocean Pkwy and Nep­tune Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Ilysse Weisen­feld

Dude with fly­ers: New York Sports Club! On­ly 37 dol­lars! Get yo’ fat ass to the gym!

–Court & Jo­rale­mon, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: el­wood

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, I’m sick of all the fat girls in Coney Is­land.

–Queens Cen­ter Mall

Walk­ing VD: It’s not cheat­ing if she’s fat.

–Out­side Ju­go Juice, Times Square

Teen girl on cell: Ugh, great. Now she’s just go­ing to make fun of me be­cause I’m short and fat! Oh my God!

–Q46 bus

Over­heard by: Melis­sa

I Did­n’t Know There Would Be a Quiz

Teen girl: Hey, I’m a Sci­en­tol­o­gist.
Tom Cruise: Oh, re­al­ly? What ech­e­lon are you in?
Teen girl: [awk­ward­ly qui­et] Uh… num­ber three?
Tom Cruise: Ex­act­ly.

Mis­sion: Im­pos­si­ble III gala pre­miere, TriBeCa Film Fes­ti­val, BM­CC

Over­heard by: made­moi­selle scha­ef­fer

Me Fail Eng­lish?

Gov­er­nor Pata­ki: Go out and study hard so you don’t get a bad ex­am on your grades.

–Can­tor Film Cen­ter, East 8th Street

Over­heard by: StyX

Man #1: The Tet Of­fen­sive was just con­fus­ing.
Man #2: Not re­al­ly. I un­der­stood it com­plete­ly.
Man #1: Well, let me use an anal­o­gy: it would be like if to­mor­row, we went in­to Bagh­dad and re­moved all the troops. Is that how it was?
Man #2: Maybe; I don’t know what anal­o­gy means.

–Wash­ing­ton Place & 6th

Over­heard by: Gradie Smith

Looks Like the Bug-eyed Bronx­ite is Toast

Howard Dean: …I think Fer­rer can win–
Man: Mr. Dean! I would have vot­ed for you, man!
Howard Dean: …Thanks…
Man: I would have vot­ed for you if you re­move all the poi­son in your
body!…I would have vot­ed for you if you loved Amer­i­ca! You would have been a great pres­i­dent, but on­ly if you weren’t so poi­so­nous!
Howard Dean: …Thanks…

–20th & Park

Over­heard by: Steve Gart­land