Archive for the ‘Abortion’ Category

Roe vs. Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy, sell­ing com­e­dy tick­ets: Come on, guys, see the show! It’s cheap­er than a Chi­nese abor­tion.

–Times Square

Kid: You may think of abor­tion like, “Oh, it’s gone!”

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Emil­ia

Girl: Now I un­der­stand why peo­ple steal ba­bies! It to­tal­ly makes sense! We should le­gal­ize abor­tion.

–68th St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Man­ic Mouse

Queer on phone: No, I’ve told you. I’m athe­ist, I don’t want to go to church with you. Well, I dun­no what to tell you, moth­er, it’s too late for an abor­tion now. Maybe you should have used a con­dom.

–CVS , Cedarhurst, Long Is­land

Over­heard by: Queer CVS clerk

Guy: So, she starts talk­ing about abor­tion while I got a fuckin’ bon­er and I’m like, “Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me?”

–W 42nd St & 8th Ave

Wednes­day RU-486-Lin­ers

Guy on cell: That’s the good thing about abortions–you can have like three a day.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Ghet­to dude: I told her, I was like “if you get preg­nant you best get an abor­tion, cause I ain’t help­ing you with that shit.” I mean, I would help her, but I got­ta get that shit in her head.

–N Train

Over­heard by: Jill

30-some­thing woman to boyfriend: There be some mutha­fuckas up in here who think this shit some form of birth con­trol. I’m woman enough; I gave birth to six kids. I ain’t doin’ it again.

–Abor­tion Clin­ic, Queens

Crazy guy on sub­way, preach­ing: You know why there’s 100 mil­lion Mex­i­cans in Amer­i­ca? Abor­tion!

–W Train

I Nev­er Told You About the Jar on My Desk?

Suit #1: Good thing my girl­friend had an abor­tion, or I’d have a 16-year-old kid right now.
Suit #2: Yeah? I nev­er heard this sto­ry.

–F Train

Over­heard by: wb

Head­line by: kasey

Run­ners-Up:
· “Haven’t You Ever Asked About My Framed Coathang­er?” — Ian
· “Je­sus; Al­ways the Son, Nev­er the Fa­ther” — ben­ny blan­co
· “Life­time Was­n’t In­ter­est­ed” — Emi­ly Leonard
· “Nei­ther Did My Wife…” — phox
· “Once Up­on a Vac­u­um…” — blis­tex­ad­dict
· “Well Jim­my, When a Man and Woman Like Sex With­out Com­mit­ments.…” — mkp-hearts-nyc
· “Your Wife Was Pret­ty In­sis­tent I Nev­er Tell You” — Greg Costel­lo

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

If You’re Against Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Don’t Have One

Opera di­rec­tor, af­ter tech sticks a wire hang­er un­der the ther­mo­stat box to turn up the heat: Well, some­one just got an abor­tion! (every­one stares) Okay, enough of that. Back to work! Ha! Ha! Ha!

–Brook­lyn Mu­sic School

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Cheap­er than a Chi­nese abor­tion!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Mick­ey

Bar cus­tomer to bar­tender: You’re on­ly 22? I have an abort­ed fe­tus that’s old­er than you!

–110th & Am­s­ter­dam

Man sell­ing tick­ets: Help me pay for my girl­friend’s abor­tion by com­ing to the com­e­dy club!

–Times Square

Man to very preg­nant friend he has not seen for a while: Karen! Oh my god, how are you? I thought you had got­ten an abor­tion.

–D Train

Over­heard by: blis­tex­ad­dict

Wednes­day’s Gonna Have a Lit­tle One-Lin­er

An­gry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your ir­ra­tional preg­nan­cy!

–Grand Cen­tral

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abor­tion? I mean, I’m not even preg­nant!

–TGI Fri­days

Over­heard by: Sara

Gig­gling chick: When you get preg­nant, the on­ly things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard to friend: I don’t think I’m preg­nant. There’s no way I can be preg­nant, be­cause I was on­ly hav­ing light sex.

–Du­ane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: jmike

Hap­py la­dy on cell: Guess what?! I’m preg­nant! Yes, with a ba­by this time!

–96th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kind of Con­fused

20-some­thing chick: If I get preg­nant, I am so su­ing Fresh Di­rect.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Son Of a Wednes­day One-Lin­er Man

Evan­ge­list out­side gym: You want to be a ma­cho man? Look at Je­sus!

–Broad­way & Prince

Street evan­ge­list on mi­cro­phone: Y’all ever see two fe­male pi­geons in bed to­geth­er?

–Ford­ham Plaza

Very ag­i­tat­ed priest: Je­sus was a zy­gote once–what if Mary abort­ed him?

–St. Luke’s Church, White­stone

Crazy sub­way evan­ge­list: If god could make me a good crack­head, you best be­lieve he could make me a good preach­er.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Gig­gling at crack

Preach­er: And that’s why your re­li­gion is null and void.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Al­fie