Girl #1: Where is he from, anyway?
Girl #2: I dunno, he’s from Fort Dallas or something.
Girl #1: He’s from some fort town.
Girl #2: Well, there’s Dallas-Fort Worth, but that’s, like, a big city. (pause) He’s from wherever Kelly Clarkson’s from.
Girl #1: Oh, okay!
–LIRR
Overheard by: openmic
Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!
–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway
Overheard by: hallway passerby
Student #1: I don’t know why that bitch has such a big ego, she’s fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she’s Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She’s probably getting fucked by some loser.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: kapnasty
Headline by: Leema
Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” — LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” — Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” — PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” — john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” — Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” — someday, I could be that loser
Girl #1: Michael Jackson is dead? Really?
Girl #2: Yeah, we read it on TMZ. They’re usually pretty good about knowing when people are dead.
–The Mill
Girl #1: The Devil Wears Prada is like, the best movie ever made.
Girl #2: Oh, totally. Meryl Streep’s character was fabulous in that!
Girl #1: Dude, Meryl Streep should run for President. No, wait. Oprah should run for President, and Meryl Streep should be Vice President.
–86th & Lex
Little boy #1: I’m telling you, Elvis lives, man.
Little boy #2: Where’s my mom?
–187th & Ft. Washington
Overheard by: yum
Chick #1: Dude, everyone’s popping out babies these days. JLo, TomKat, Britney. It’s like they’re the new fucking accessory.
Chick #2: Yeah, who wants a fucking baby anyway? You just turn into a fatass with stretch marks and saggy tits with a screaming infant who no one wants to be around.
Very pregnant passenger: I’m due in two weeks.
Chick #1: Aww! Is it a boy or a girl?
–F train
Guy #1: Dude, did you hear that Arnold Schwarzenegger died in a car crash?
Guy #2: No way! That’s not true, is it?
Guy #1: I dunno. I am asking you.
–F train
Overheard by: Alex Wipf
Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.
–Times Square
Woman #1, after play ends: I didn’t know Hamlet died at the end. I was so surprised!
Woman #2: Jude Law was still hot, though.
–Broadhurst Theater, 44th St & Broadway
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist