Guy: Yeah… I don’t know what key they’re singing it in.
Girl: Well if she’s singing it in the Betty Buckley key… that’s like in the key of whoa.
–Queens-bound N Train
Overheard by: cwazy nooh yawkerr
Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category
Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners
60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.
–B4 Bus
Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova
Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!
–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.
–Bus
Overheard by: liz
Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!
–Food Stamp Office, 14th St
Overheard by: Erica Schreiner
African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.
–30th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: mike v
Hey, at Least We Gave It to Him Straight.
Straight boy to group of girls: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
Girl #1: Are you sure you want to know?
Boy: Yes.
Girl #2: We're talking about hot gay guys.
(other girls laugh)
Girl #3: Do you think Jonathan Groff is hot?
(straight boy leaves)
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Why Pillbox Hats Are Making a Comeback
Preppy girl: I wonder why celebrities do so many drugs.
Queen: Honey, you can only buy so much couture.
–F Train
Mostly CNN
Seven-year-old boy: You know Britney's on crack, she's on crack. And your girl Lindsay is so going to jail for selling cocaine. That Britney is crazy.
Aunt: That boy watches too much TV.
–LIRR
Overheard by: I think lindsay is going to jail too
Jelly Roll Wednesday One-Liners
Chick: … So she had sex with both Rush Limbaugh and Bernie Kerik? Ewww, I wouldn’t want to be her vagina!
–10 E 53rd St
Overheard by: I thought ewww, too
Fat latina: You mean it don’t shake and jump up and down? Girl, what kinda clit do you have?
–Stanton & Clinton
Old guy sweeping sidewalk: You won’t see me begging for no pussy. No way.
–118th & 5th
Overheard by: robin b
Girl in skirt to boy, both standing in the cold: If you could see my undercarriage right now you would see that it’s quivering.
–21st & Broadway
Guy on cell: Yeah, girl. Well, just wait, ’cause I’m gonna terrorize your pussy tonight.
–Flatbush Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Peter Rice
Lesbian: … So I was like, ‘Fine, bitch. You can shove your own fucking fingers up your own fucking cooch. I’m going to put on my clothes and sit in the corner and change my Facebook status…’
–Restroom, Stuyvesant High School
Teen boy: I ate too much pussy. Now I have pussy poisoning.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: sara swank
“She” Must Get Asked That All the Time
Man: You look like the black Sigourney Weaver.
Woman: I’m not black.
Man: Are you Sigourney Weaver?
–Oasis coffee shop, Hunts Point
Overheard by: Jake Glazier
People Who Live in New Jersey Should Not Throw Stones
Drunk fan: Martin Brodeur fucked his sister-in-law.
Sober pisser: That’s worse than OJ Simpson.
Drunk fan: Yeah, he’s French Canadian.
–Madison Square Garden bathroom
Overheard by: TrueBlue
And When Did Rue McClanahan First Outsexy Her?
Girl #1: Today is Madonna’s birthday!
Girl #2: 60th?
–Office, 47th & 5th
I Think You Just While-You-Were-Outed Yourself
Hipster #1 (after five minutes of riding in silence): I so wanna fuck Chayse Dacoda.
Hipster #2: You've just gotten so weird since you got cable.
–F Train