Soccer mom: In two weeks, my knitting circle’s going to the strip club. –28th & Lex Girl: I want to become a stripper so that I can see Patti LuPone in Gypsy every night. –St. James Theatre Overheard by: Erin Loud NYU chick: Listen to the opening guitar riff of Voodoo child. It makes you want to be a stripper! –Bobst Library Overheard by: evil em Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let’s see that! –Port Authority
Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category
Hey, Laura Married Urkel at the End Of That Series
30-something wasp: So she's out of his league and he still treats her bad?
Identical 30-something wasp: I know! If Urkel is gonna date Angelina Jolie, Urkel better fucking step it up!
–50th & 9th
Overheard by: Wes
From the Whitney Houston Collection
Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine. –Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street Overheard by: Mat Triebner
Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”
Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time. –Time Warner Center Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat! –Sheep's Meadow, Central Park Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here. –Bleecker & Broadway Overheard by: fellow fatass Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store! –W Broadway & Spring Overheard by: JR Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4! –Central Park West Overheard by: Rich H
You Want to Run Into Joey from Blossom?
Girl: So, what do you want to do?
Tourist guy: I want to meet a famous person!
Guy: I’m sure we can get some tickets to MTV or something.
Tourist guy: No, I wanna see them on the street and be like “Hey. You!” and have them turn around and be like “*gasp* Woah” and I’d be like “Woah”.
–1 Train
Overheard by: teehee
And Only Godzilla Can Save Us!
College girl #1: I can't believe you don't know Allison, she's infamous!
College girl #2: Well, Jesse James is infamous but I don't know him either.
College girl #1: Jesse James is dead. Allison is the mega-slut on our floor!
–Barnard College
Overheard by: even i know her
You Had Me and Then You Lost Me
Guy #1: He looked like a taller, more imposing Mikhail Gorbachev
Guy #2: Yeah, sans blotch.
–Times Square
Overheard by: TP
According to Legend, Mr. Wonka Never Went Back
Big black woman, on Halloween: Who are you supposed to be, The Mad Hatter?
Guy: I'm Willy Wonka. Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka from the seventies.
Big black woman: Oh, I never would have known. You know, what you need is an accessory, a prop.
Guy: Like what? I look just like him!
Big black woman: You need a chocolate woman on your arm.
–Jack Dempsey's Pub
Wednesday One-Liners Are Working on a Perfume Line
Flustered suit pacing along street: Just letting you know I got a FedEx from Bruce Willis, I guess he finally decided to pay his bills. –84th St Overheard by: mikaela Man to dinner companion: So did you know Mia Farrow is doing a hunger strike? Because of what's happening in Darfur? I hope she dies. –Red Bamboo, West Village Transvestite: Damn, that girl looks like Brooke Shields. Damn, that white girl in the blue shoes looks like Brooke Shields. –4 Train Man giving out Metro newspaper: Metro! Metro! Whoooeee, baby, you looking like Jennifer Lopez! Metro! –7 Train Suit on cell: If he does it again I am going to get all Chuck Woolery on his ass! –Gold St
Let's See If He Comes Back, Okay?
Jew for Jesus, holding out pamphlet: Here, have one.
Woman: Hmm?
Jew for Jesus: It's about Jesus!
Woman: Oh, I'm not interested in him. I thought it was about Michael Jackson.
–The High Line
Overheard by: emily