Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category

Much Like the Con­tin­ued Pop­u­lar­i­ty of Walk­er: Texas Ranger

Drunk guy to laugh­ing Asian: There is no the­o­ry of evolution–only a list of an­i­mals Chuck Nor­ris al­lows to live.
Girl­friend: Babe, no more Chuck Nor­ris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girl­friend: No, give me one good rea­son you should talk about Chuck Nor­ris.
Drunk guy (with­out hes­i­ta­tion): Cause god want­ed 10 days to cre­ate the world, and Chuck Nor­ris on­ly gave him 6, do you want an 8‑day work week? Huh?
Girl­friend to friend: How did I just lose this ar­gu­ment?
Friend: Yeah, that was un­ex­pect­ed.

–Zanz­ibar Bar

Over­heard by: Wish i was chuck nor­ris

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Cele­bre­tards

Young black guy to an­oth­er: You know, Oba­ma is to pol­i­tics what Richard Sim­mons is to ex­er­cise.

–PATH Train

Guy stand­ing out­side bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Cole­man?” and I’m like, “No, not like fuck­ing Gary Cole­man!”

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green on­ly had one tes­ti­cle. It’s to­tal­ly fine.

–E 11th St

Over­heard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabr­era”!

–Bed­ford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Bor­ders, Wall St

Over­heard by: step

Guy (af­ter tak­ing pic­ture with Je­re­my Piv­en): Damn! I can’t put this on My­Space. I’m wear­ing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Out­side Bar­ry­more The­atre

Over­heard by: Pasta…Salad

Go­ing to the STD Clin­ic (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

In­di­an chick: So I was watch­ing VH1 and it was a show about child stars. You know, Drew Bar­ry­more, Jodie Fos­ter–
Asian chick: What? Jodie Fos­ter was a child star?
In­di­an chick: Yeah. She was a child pros­ti­tute at like, 13, and they made a movie about it and every­thing.

In­di­an chick: Look­it that chart. They’re rank­ing con­doms, see? Tro­jan Mag­num, then Reg­u­lar Tro­jans, then Tro­jan Ul­tra Sheer, then Durex Reg­u­lar, then Lifestyles, and then Lifestyle Ul­tra-Sen­si­tive, see?
Asian chick: Mmm. Tro­jan Ul­tra Sheers, yeah.
In­di­an chick: But Durex has at least one more that should go in there! Durex has a Mag­num too and it’s re­al­ly good.
Asian chick: So yeah, what’s their deal?
In­di­an chick: Like, it’ all about how well they en­dure. Not how much plea­sure they give. Fuck­ing gov­ern­ment chart.

In­di­an chick: Any­way. I’m def­i­nite­ly thinkin’ about havin’ my kids in a for­eign coun­try. Like, dual cit­i­zen­ship. Just take a se­mes­ter off, fly to Britain for a month, and voila.
Asian chick: That’s the cra­zi­est thing I’ve ever heard. What for?
In­di­an chick: They just come out cool­er, that’s all.

–Chelsea Health Cen­ter, 9th Av­enue

Over­heard by: capn mid­nite