Archive for the ‘About Celebrities’ Category

More Amer­i­cans Get Their Delu­sions from ABC News Than from any Oth­er Source

Woman: I used to be delu­sion­al.
Friend: What was hap­pen­ing, were you med­icat­ed?
Woman: Oh yes, I had to be se­vere­ly med­icat­ed. I thought I was go­ing to mar­ry Pe­ter Jen­nings.
Friend: Was it hard for you when he died?
Woman: Ac­tu­al­ly, I was self­ish­ly hap­py be­cause I did­n’t have to wor­ry about hav­ing delu­sions about him any­more.

–W 105th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Ever Since I Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Tripped Over Them

Tall girl: I think I saw his broth­er in the cho­rus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There’s four of them. And they’re all beau­ti­ful. It’s so not fair. I’m weird-look­ing and, ac­cord­ing to my grand­ma, my broth­er looks like the love child of Jake Gyl­len­haal and San­jay Gup­ta.
Tall girl: And your par­ents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can’t be­lieve you re­mem­ber that.

–Down­town 1 Train

Amer­i­ca Runs on Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Thug: I love you be­cause when I’m with you I feel like I’m Barack Oba­ma and you’re Hillary Clin­ton.

–N Train

All-black-wear­ing chick with cig­a­rette: Do you ever find your­self think­ing re­al­ly con­ser­v­a­tive thoughts by ac­ci­dent?

–Out­side In­ter­na­tion­al Af­fairs Build­ing, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Sub­way crazy: Rip Torn for pres­i­dent! Den­ny McLain for Sec­re­tary of State!

–Up­town 6 Train

Girl with ba­by in her arms: You know, he taped an Oba­ma poster on his door and I was like, “Oh no, you did­n’t put that up.” ’cause he don’t know noth­ing about pol­i­tics. Hell, he a felon…he can’t even vote.

–East Vil­lage Ur­ban Out­fit­ters

Five-year-old boy point­ing at a side­walk mur­al of Hillary and Oba­ma: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.

–106th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kip

Grumpy old man: Things have been go­ing down­hill since the Wil­son ad­min­is­tra­tion.

–70th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: De­vot­ed Pup­py

Wednes­day One-lin­ers, Amer­i­can Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Mag­gie Gyl­len­haal. She’s like, ac­tu­al­ly walk­ing down the street!

–Mag­no­lia Bak­ery

Over­heard by: Jes­si­ca Black­s­hear

JAP: Do not men­tion that freak­ing African queen and her re­cy­cled hus­band!

–The Prime Grill, 49th Street

Twen­tysome­thing woman on cell: I’m gonna be late be­cause I had to walk Drew Bar­ry­more’s dog.

–in front of Amer­i­can Ap­par­el, 7th Ave