Archive for the ‘Academics’ Category

And, by the Way, ‘Gram­mat­i­cal­ly Cor­rect­ly’ Is Need­less­ly Re­dun­dant

Bel­liger­ent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be try­ing!
Bel­liger­ent white woman: You should speak gra­mat­i­cal­ly cor­rect­ly!
Smar­tass: “I be try­ing” is­n’t un­gram­mat­i­cal. It’s stan­dard us­age in African-Amer­i­can ver­nac­u­lar Eng­lish.
Bel­liger­ent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smar­tass: I have a Ph.D. in lin­guis­tics from MIT.

–A train

At the Har­vard In­fo Ses­sion, They Give You Un­solv­able Ru­bik’s Cubes

Stan­ford ad­mis­sions of­fi­cer: You’ll need to sub­mit ei­ther the act or the act as a part of your ap­pli­ca­tion.
Au­di­ence: (con­fused si­lence)
Au­di­ence mem­ber: You said “act” twice.
Stan­ford ad­mis­sions of­fi­cer: Sor­ry. Stan­ford will take your com­pos­ite score from the act and break it down, look­ing at the in­di­vid­ual com­po­nents. If you choose to take the act with writ­ing in­stead, we will look at your best com­pos­ite score.
Kid, mut­ter­ing to dad: Is this some kind of mind game?

–Mor­gan Stan­ley Head­quar­ters, Stan­ford Uni­ver­si­ty In­for­ma­tion Ses­sion

Over­heard by: I swear I was­n’t mis­hear­ing him say

That’s Code for, “I’m Lost, Too”

Man: Ex­cuse me, could you tell me where–
Biotech, in­ter­rupt­ing: –Look, I don’t have time to make up fake di­rec­tions.

–W Broad­way

Head­line by: Trey Jack­son

· “And This Rude­ness Is Two Sec­onds Of My Life I’ll Nev­er Get Back” — Markle
· “And, Be­ing a New York­er, I Cer­tain­ly Won’t Give You Re­al Ones” — Yana
· “Mapquest’s Em­ploy­ee Of the Month” — Claire
· “Or The Knowl­edge for Re­al Ones” — DIck
· “So Take a Left Over There” — emi­ly bess
· “Take a Cab. Be Sure You Tell the Dri­ver You’re from Out Of Town.” — jnr

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test