Archive for the ‘Accidents’ Category

Can’t Talk. Defe­cat­ing.

Girl #1 in a rush, slam­ming door and al­most hit­ting oth­er girls: Oh my god, I’m so sor­ry!
Girl #2: It’s okay…
Girl #3, sar­cas­ti­cal­ly: Oh yeah, it’s to­tal­ly okay. Ac­tu­al­ly, why don’t you open the door hard­er next time?

–Re­stroom, 54th St & Ave of the Amer­i­c­as

Over­heard by: Ilike­can­dy

Night Train, Thun­der­bird and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Crazy hobo with gui­tar to stranger: Damn… you in­vit­ed a lot of peo­ple.

–1 Train

Hobo to young mar­ried cou­ple: I have found the promised land. Se­ri­ous­ly. I’d get a plane tick­et right now, but it’d be cheap­er to go to con­fes­sion for a week and then get hit by a bus. Re­mind me to tell you about this lat­er.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Oliv­er

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-some­thing girl walks past him, with busi­ness­man a few steps be­hind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thomp­son

Hobo, tak­ing do­na­tions to help the home­less, count­ing coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fist­ful of coins sticks in pock­et) Tax re­bate!

–Union Square

Hokay, I No Steal

Amer­i­can guy: All the build­ings in New York City are made with brick. No steel. So if there’s an earth­quake, we’re all dead.
For­eign guy: No steel?
Amer­i­can guy: No steel. All brick. If there’s an earth­quake, we’re all dead.
(for­eign guy gig­gles hys­ter­i­cal­ly)

–111th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

I Know We Work on the First Floor, But It Would Be So Em­barass­ing for Her

La­dy suit: I mean, if she got hit by a bus or some­thing and he was griev­ing and I brought over a casse­role, he would to­tal­ly fall in love with me.
Suit #1: It would have to be a damn good casse­role.
La­dy suit: I make a damn good casserole–have you nev­er had my casse­role?
Suit #2: Maybe we should in­vite her over to the of­fice and have a par­ty on the bal­cony, and then we can all bump in­to her at the same time and push her off.

–Lin­coln Plaza Cin­e­mas

Over­heard by: in­die movie girl