Archive for the ‘Accidents’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go for the Jugu­lar

Slut­ty girl: Yeah, we were both drunk and he hit the wrong hole. I’ve been shit­ting blood for two days.

–Citi Field Sta­di­um

Gay guy: I mean… She made my dick bleed.

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: jax

Chick laugh­ing hys­ter­i­cal­ly on cell: I know! So much blood came out of his ears!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Fresh Man

Black man on phone: This car was ripped in half, they had to cut this dude out with the jaws of life, he come out bleed­ing from his eye sock­ets and shit. (pause) So you wan­na meet up lat­er?

–Willough­by & Van­der­bilt

Can’t Talk. Defe­cat­ing.

Girl #1 in a rush, slam­ming door and al­most hit­ting oth­er girls: Oh my god, I’m so sor­ry!
Girl #2: It’s okay…
Girl #3, sar­cas­ti­cal­ly: Oh yeah, it’s to­tal­ly okay. Ac­tu­al­ly, why don’t you open the door hard­er next time?

–Re­stroom, 54th St & Ave of the Amer­i­c­as

Over­heard by: Ilike­can­dy

Night Train, Thun­der­bird and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Crazy hobo with gui­tar to stranger: Damn… you in­vit­ed a lot of peo­ple.

–1 Train

Hobo to young mar­ried cou­ple: I have found the promised land. Se­ri­ous­ly. I’d get a plane tick­et right now, but it’d be cheap­er to go to con­fes­sion for a week and then get hit by a bus. Re­mind me to tell you about this lat­er.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Oliv­er

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-some­thing girl walks past him, with busi­ness­man a few steps be­hind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thomp­son

Hobo, tak­ing do­na­tions to help the home­less, count­ing coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fist­ful of coins sticks in pock­et) Tax re­bate!

–Union Square

Hokay, I No Steal

Amer­i­can guy: All the build­ings in New York City are made with brick. No steel. So if there’s an earth­quake, we’re all dead.
For­eign guy: No steel?
Amer­i­can guy: No steel. All brick. If there’s an earth­quake, we’re all dead.
(for­eign guy gig­gles hys­ter­i­cal­ly)

–111th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle