Archive for the ‘Activists’ Category

Peo­ple for the Eth­i­cal Treat­ment Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to guy: I don’t think that ham­sters re­spond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Green­wich St.

Over­heard by: Katie Com­pa

Crazy red­neck-look­ing guy to PE­TA cir­cus pro­test­er: They’re gonna do to us what they did to the li­ons! We’ll be put in con­cen­tra­tion camps!

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: San­ti­a­go and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Gray­ing Brook­lyn guy to an­oth­er: You know, the on­ly thing I haven’t seen is a bob­cat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brook­lyn

Un­der­class­man to an­oth­er: Lizards can’t im­preg­nate any­one. They don’t even have penis­es.

–Townsend Har­ris High School

Over­heard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger cos­tume to Mc­Don­ald’s work­er: There’s an es­caped zoo an­i­mal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serv­ing your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for break­fast menu)

–Mc­Don­ald’s

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Grow on Trees

Crazy guy: Look at you peo­ple. All y’all pay­ing eigh­teen, nine­teen hun­dred dol­lars rent. I pay two dol­lars rent! And I get a free trans­fer!

–Up­town A Train

Over­heard by: Heather

Smok­ing girl: I’m just not go­ing to put all of this mon­ey and time in­to this de­gree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 af­ter I grad­u­ate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Out­side Fay­er­weath­er Hall, Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Bored street fundrais­er for the home­less: Just one pen­ny, peo­ple. Just one pen­ny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Over­heard by: Far­ley

Crazy guy: You moth­er­fuck­ing ac­tors with all your fuck­ing mon­ey and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an ac­tor when I was young.

–Out­side NBC Stu­dios, 49th & 6th

Over­heard by: Ross

Frus­trat­ed booth op­er­a­tor, yelling at an ar­gu­men­ta­tive tourist: La­dy, this sub­way has­n’t used to­kens in over sev­en years! And that ain’t even a to­ken… It’s a one col­lar coin!

–Sub­way, Spring & Lafayette

Over­heard by: NYC Tourists Nev­er Cease to Amaze Me

50-some­thing tick­et col­lec­tor to high school girl: Don’t wor­ry, I did­n’t for­get your change. (pause) I will nev­er for­get you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Moth­er to young daugh­ter run­ning down the street: Get over here be­fore I make change out­ta that five dol­lar ass!

–168 & Broad­way

Food Was Scarce in In­di­ana

Girl #1: Okay, what should I get? The Gombee burg­er sounds good. Hey, that kin­da sounds like Gandhi…except he prob­a­bly would­n’t want to eat the burg­er. Re­mem­ber that time he was on that hunger strike?
Girl #2: Aren’t cows like, sa­cred to Hin­dus or some­thing?
Girl #1: Oh! That’s prob­a­bly why he would­n’t have want­ed to eat it.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Cute, Cuter, Wednes­day-One-Linest

Port­ly young woman brows­ing dress for her­self, non­cha­lant­ly: Oh, this is cute, but too bad it does­n’t come in fat-ass-bitch size.

–Tar­get, Brook­lyn

20-some­thing girl to boyfriend: Oh my god, you are so cute I just wan­na punch you in the face!

–135th & 5th

Over­heard by: Howzith

Mid­dle-aged woman on cell ex­it­ing bus: You have a blessed day! (to phone) No, not you! I was talk­ing to the bus driver–he was re­al­ly cute!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: B44 rid­er

Stu­dent fundrais­er to passer­by: Tai­wan needs help! Hey, you’re cute enough to help Tai­wan!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: L‑Dubbs

Cute blonde to friend at gym: Oh my god! Look! That looks like a cuter ver­sion of this bald guy I slept with in a clos­et over the sum­mer!

–14th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Rob Lovett