Archive for the ‘Ahhh! Real New Yorkers’ Category

When We Took Your Wal­let and Di­vid­ed It Up Amongst Us, for In­stance.

Drunk guy in full New Year re­galia: Well, I’m from fuckin’ Penn­syl­va­nia and I nev­er seen any­thing like this! This shit is fan­tas­tic! Woo!
Ir­ri­tat­ed sober woman: Re­al­ly? No one on this train had any idea you weren’t from New York!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Is­land?

French tourist, af­ter dis­cussing Amer­i­ca’s faults in the world, to Amer­i­can man: Can you take a pic­ture of us with the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty in the back­ground?
Amer­i­can man: Ain’t she a beau­ti­ful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
Amer­i­can man: Well, she’s French. Wel­come to Amer­i­ca.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

… And Pa­tron­ize Our Ven­dors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the mid­dle of the block, caus­ing two suits and sev­er­al oth­er peo­ple to crash in­to them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you id­iots! There are peo­ple walk­ing be­hind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clear­ly see this is a busy side­walk, and yet you stop dead in the mid­dle and block all traf­fic!
Tourist mom: He did­n’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that some­how ex­cuse your be­ing id­iots and stop­ping in the mid­dle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Ten­nessee!
Suit #2: That ex­plains the id­io­cy, but it still is­n’t an ex­cuse.
Tourist mom: That was un­nec­es­sary!
Suit #1: Per­haps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more po­lite: Wel­come to New York. Slow walk­ing id­iots prone to stop­ping for no rea­son stay to the fuck­ing right of busy side­walks, and don’t get in the way of the non-men­tal­ly im­paired lo­cals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

The Goy Scouts of Amer­i­ca Could Not Be Reached for Com­ment

New York­er guy: You know that sum­mer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m go­ing to help him out next month.
Girl, laugh­ing: Awww, you’re go­ing to teach the kid­dies how to ca­noe and tie slip knots?
New York­er guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holo­caust.
Girl (laughs then paus­es): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wis­con­sin.

–6th Ave & 19th St