Archive for the ‘Ahhh! Real New Yorkers’ Category

… And Pa­tron­ize Our Ven­dors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the mid­dle of the block, caus­ing two suits and sev­er­al oth­er peo­ple to crash in­to them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you id­iots! There are peo­ple walk­ing be­hind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clear­ly see this is a busy side­walk, and yet you stop dead in the mid­dle and block all traf­fic!
Tourist mom: He did­n’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that some­how ex­cuse your be­ing id­iots and stop­ping in the mid­dle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Ten­nessee!
Suit #2: That ex­plains the id­io­cy, but it still is­n’t an ex­cuse.
Tourist mom: That was un­nec­es­sary!
Suit #1: Per­haps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more po­lite: Wel­come to New York. Slow walk­ing id­iots prone to stop­ping for no rea­son stay to the fuck­ing right of busy side­walks, and don’t get in the way of the non-men­tal­ly im­paired lo­cals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

The Goy Scouts of Amer­i­ca Could Not Be Reached for Com­ment

New York­er guy: You know that sum­mer camp I went to? My friend is now the head of it and I’m go­ing to help him out next month.
Girl, laugh­ing: Awww, you’re go­ing to teach the kid­dies how to ca­noe and tie slip knots?
New York­er guy: No, I’m gonna teach them about the Holo­caust.
Girl (laughs then paus­es): Wow, that is not what we did at Girl Scout camp in Wis­con­sin.

–6th Ave & 19th St

Come to New York! It’s Safe, Re­al­ly!

Black woman: You don’t go in there, girl, that’s the men’s bath­room! If you go in there, they’re go­ing to rape you! And don’t think that they would­n’t, be­cause they will! They’re go­ing to put you down on the floor and rape you and your daugh­ter! You lis­ten to me, girl!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: James Levin­sohn

Hus­band: Yeah, keep walk­ing! You know you can’t come back this way. They kill you here! They don’t just kill you, they kill every­one here!

–Cen­tral Park

Wednes­day One-lin­ers in the Fam­i­ly Way

Woman: She thinks she’s so spe­cial cause she’s preg­nant. Try be­ing 35 and not preg­nant! That’s hard­er to do!

–81st & Am­s­ter­dam

Very preg­nant woman, stand­ing on the sub­way, stares at a young black guy who took the last seat.

Young black guy: What do you want la­dy? I did­n’t get you that way!

–Union Square sta­tion