Archive for the ‘Airports’ Category

A Re­al New York­er Would Just Flip Her the Bird.

Flight at­ten­dant to woman who has just placed her bird on her arm be­fore take off: Ma’am, I’m go­ing to need you to se­cure that bird be­fore we be­gin taxi­ing.
Bird la­dy: But it is se­cure. Aren’t you, peach­es? You like it out here, don’t you?
Flight at­ten­dant: Please just se­cure the bird, ma’am.

–Run­way, JFK

Over­heard by: es­cap­ing to ve­gas

Your Wednes­day Has Turned on the “One-Lin­ers” Sign

Male flight at­ten­dant: Ladies and gen­tle­men, Jet­Blue wel­comes you to the city which all oth­er cities are re­flec­tions of… wel­come to New York.

–JFK

Over­heard by: SJK

Pi­lot over loud­speak­er: Al­right folks, get in­to your seats quick­ly. You don’t have to love the per­son next to you and this ain’t a fur­ni­ture store.

–JFK

Over­heard by: Al­lie

Wit­ty flight at­ten­dant: And in case that you have not been in a car since 1962, I will now demon­strate how seat­belts work.

–JFK

Flam­ing flight at­ten­dant: In the event of a sud­den change in cab­in pres­sure, oxy­gen masks will drop down in front of you. If this should oc­cur, you may scream, then place the mask over your mouth and nose…

–JFK

Jet­Blue pi­lot: I hope you all en­joyed the flight. If you have any ques­tions, please e‑mail them to the Con­ti­nen­tal Air­lines e‑mail. Thank you for fly­ing Jet­Blue.

–JFK

Over­heard by: lone­ly pas­sen­ger

I’m Be­gin­ning to Re­gret Teach­ing You That Word, Granny

Girl: I saw that movie when it came out, The Pas­sion of the Christ.
Grand­ma: What movie?
Girl: The Pas­sion of the Christ. You haven’t heard of it?
Grand­ma: Yes, but I’m not in­ter­est­ed in watch­ing it. Mel Gib­son pro­duced it.
Girl: Oh. So it’s a prin­ci­ple thing.
Grand­ma: No. It’s an I‑­don’t-like douchebagi­ness thing.

–JFK Air­port

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fade to Black

Slight­ly drunk kid from Alas­ka: I re­al­ized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sis­ter.

–14th St

Over­heard by: The Rev­erend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him chok­ing you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apol­o­gize at least? (pause) Ya know, it’s not okay to get so fucked up that you don’t know that he’s chok­ing you.

–Max Cafe

Over­heard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don’t even wor­ry about hit­ting on her too much, she was to­tal­ly blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Over­heard by: bildita

Prep­py girl: Is “faint” a eu­phemism for “bon­er”?

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: Di­ana

Work Day One-Lin­ers

Postal work­er to an­oth­er: Oh, no, don’t wor­ry. You do what you want. It is im­pos­si­ble for them to fire you, girl.

–Tomp­kins Square Park

Mr. Big, sar­cas­ti­cal­ly on cell: Is there any­thing else that I can do for you, hon­ey, while I’m out mak­ing a liv­ing?

–First Class Cab­in, Amer­i­can Air­lines

Over­heard by: Fre­quent Fly­er

Scruffy drunk hip­ster guy to frumpy drunk hip­ster girl: That’s how girls touch me… at work.

–Cob­ble Hill Brook­lyn

Guy on cell: I re­al­ly need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I’m gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Em­po­ri­um.

–As­tor Place

20-some­thing girl to an­oth­er: See, the thing with sweat­shops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to an­oth­er: Does­n’t she know the best part of her job is go­ing through the Of­fice­Max cat­a­logue to or­der match­ing of­fice sup­plies? That should be the high­light of any­one’s day!

–E Train

Over­heard by: lk