Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

All the Nerd-Boys in Earshot Had a Si­mul­ta­ne­ous Mo­ment in Their Pants

Cute nerd-girl play­ing scrab­ble #1: Did you see that episode where Da­ta made a daugh­ter? It was so good, and so sad!
Cute nerd-girl play­ing scrab­ble #2: Yeah, it was.
Cute nerd #1: And do you re­mem­ber the episode when the lit­tle boy idol­ized da­ta…
Cute nerd #2 in­ter­rupt­ing: I re­mem­ber all the episodes.
Cute nerd #1: But there was this one scene…
Cute nerd #2: I re­mem­ber that scene.
Cute nerd #1: But I did­n’t fin­ish…
Cute nerd #2: I re­mem­ber all the scenes. Se­ri­ous­ly. There was one time when my friend was flip­ping chan­nels, and she flipped to Star Trek. And I on­ly saw like, a quar­ter of a sec­ond of it, with Dr Crush­er bend­ing over a pa­tient, and I said, “ ‘his blood is turn­ing to some kind of liq­uid poly­mer.’ ” and then Dr Crush­er said, “His blood is turn­ing to some kind of liq­uid poly­mer!” It’s like when some peo­ple hear like 3 sec­onds of a song and can iden­ti­fy it. I can do that with Star Trek.

–Star­bucks, 2nd & 9th

Wednes­day-One-Lin­ers Prep for Their Roles in Mean Girls II

Woman on cell: I feel bad about rip­ping the kid off, but…

–Fort Greene Park

Over­heard by: Zoe

Suit: Well, ap­par­ent­ly I’m part psy­chic and part ass­hole.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: quite the com­bo

Blue col­lar guy: I stopped giv­ing to pan­han­dlers 10 years ago. This guy hit me up every day at my stop and one day I gave him a sand­wich and some cig­a­rettes. I watched him and he threw the sand­wich away. I went over to him and worked him over pret­ty bad. I dumped the trash can and took out the sand­wich and then took the cig­a­rettes away from him. Then I knocked him down again and took all the mon­ey out of his pock­ets. I was re­al­ly mad when he threw that sand­wich away. Now I nev­er give any­thing to those guys.
Suit: Yep…

–1 train, Hous­ton St

Over­heard by: Amused Min­nesotan

Woman on cell: You see, this is why you just can’t be nice to peo­ple. I was nice to her once, once! And now she thinks we’re friends. Like I need this!

–Bus stop near Ra­dio City Mu­sic Hall

Yup­pie on cell: I don’t give a fuck about them. As long as I’m on their will, I don’t re­al­ly give a shit.

–34th St & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Gu­ni­ta

Girl: So my grand­ma died last week and it sucked so bad, I had to dri­ve all the way to Hart­ford on Sat­ur­day and I to­tal­ly missed the huge sale at H&M.

–Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty

Over­heard by: Suz­iQ

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Gui­tars… gui­tarists, gui­tarists… drum­mers, yeah, any mu­si­cians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave Eu­ro­pean guy: I am play­ing the pi­ano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Li­brar­i­an­ish-look­ing woman: He asked me if I want­ed to blow his tu­ba, and I said, “sure!”. It was amaz­ing­ly hard­er than I thought it would be. And, he’s bring­ing his or­gan to­mor­row so I can play with it.

–Bat­tery Park Star­bucks

30-some­thing woman: My con­sul­tant was telling me I should try not to sound elit­ist. But that’s re­al­ly hard for me. I mean, I have two mas­ter’s de­grees and I play the vi­o­lin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Body­builder on cell: I’m think­ing a harp­si­chord, a wig, and a whole lot­ta tal­cum pow­der.

–Chi­na­town Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grind­ing is as prac­ti­cal as play­ing the harp­si­chord was for Jane Austen.

–Up­per East Side

When the Oc­to­pus Mates

Chick on cell: Dan and I hit it off so great! We were sit­ting there on op­po­site ends of the couch and our feet were all in­ter­twined, and I paused and just was like, ‘Look at us! It’s like we’ve known each oth­er for ages!’ … Well, I’m think­ing of ask­ing him to get his DNA checked to see if we’re com­pat­i­ble. ‘Cause, you know, I want some­one com­pat­i­ble. I won­der what his ge­nealog­i­cal lines are. I told him that I was crazy, though, and that I was gonna ask. It’s just great that he’s will­ing to do it. It’s good that he knows I’ll be in con­trol of every­thing.

–Plane leav­ing La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Cas­san­dra

Wednes­day’s Gonna Have a Lit­tle One-Lin­er

An­gry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your ir­ra­tional preg­nan­cy!

–Grand Cen­tral

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abor­tion? I mean, I’m not even preg­nant!

–TGI Fri­days

Over­heard by: Sara

Gig­gling chick: When you get preg­nant, the on­ly things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard to friend: I don’t think I’m preg­nant. There’s no way I can be preg­nant, be­cause I was on­ly hav­ing light sex.

–Du­ane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: jmike

Hap­py la­dy on cell: Guess what?! I’m preg­nant! Yes, with a ba­by this time!

–96th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kind of Con­fused

20-some­thing chick: If I get preg­nant, I am so su­ing Fresh Di­rect.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy