High school teen: Excuse me, do you know where the F train is?
Rich suit: Yeah…you can probably tell that I don’t take the subway.
–Union Square
Overheard by: you’re probably sleazy too
Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category
Wednesday Hearts One-Liners
White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I’m in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don’t love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!
–49th & 11th
Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine’s Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says “I love you” like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law’s face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!
–Metro North Train
Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell‑o.
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn’t fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
–Jackson Heights
Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I’m in love, she’s like the whole package! She’s pretty, she’s fuckable, and she can cook!
–A Train
Overheard by: Tim
Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!
–Riverside Church
Overheard by: Stephanie
Wednesday One-liners Think They’re All That
Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are.
–Astor Place
Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping.
–Broadway & Fulton
Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person!
–71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills
Like When You’re Asleep?
Guidette to friend: Like, I’m a really good friend, y’know, because I like to listen to people. Like, so many people aren’t good friends because they don’t wanna listen, but I listen to people, y’know?
Friend: Really, it’s like–
Guidette, cutting her off: –I know, some people just don’t listen, but I’m such a good friend because I love listening, and I’m a good listener…
–Lexington Ave station
Overheard by: Bridgettttttt
Self-absorbed or Stupid?
Girl #1: I don’t know what I’m going to do next year. I really want to study abroad.
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m going to this gallery in Queens next week.
–NYU elevator
Overheard by: Alex Pareene
Wednesday One-Liners Have the Rainbow Connection
Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don’t know if I can lead the committee anymore, ’cause I’ve got my gay male privilege.
–W 13th St
Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C’mon, help support the people that made your clothes!
–10th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: You mean 10-year olds in Honduras?
Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she’s already got her gaydar on.
–4 Train
Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.
–Christopher St
Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.
–Times Square
11-year-old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.
–Bronx Playground
Black guy: I’m gay! I’m proud! I’m in the front seat! I’m gay! I’m proud! I’m in the front seat! I love guys!
–Union St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Summer-Weight Wednesday One-Liners
Suit: They should just go ahead and make January a month already. Officially, I mean.
–49th & 5th
Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora
Suit on cell: I think the picture for the cover of the annual report should be me and you bent over a table, and John Smith* standing behind us, gloating.
–68th & Broadway
Suit on cell: He’s not hallucinating. He’s just realized that he’s allergic to polyester.
–125th St Metro North platform
Overheard by: Thatsoundsaboutright
Suit on cell: Yeah, he accidentally put his thumb through a two hundred million dollar…
–W 12th & Greenwich Ave
Overheard by: Wang
Suit on cell: No, listen to me! You cannot call that ‘fluff.’ You call that ‘fluff,’ both you and me will go to jail.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Erin
Tall, lanky white suit: And he was all, ‘Jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba, jibba-jabba…’ Ya know?
–Starbucks, Beaver St
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Suit in rain, splashed by crazy, honking cabbie: Whoa! Fucking lunatic! … Well, at least now you can’t tell I just fucking pissed myself! Asshole!
–67th & Columbus
Overheard by: morgan
You Should See How I Dance in My Music Video!
Blond chick: I think, like, great artists are always awkward.
Random Indian guy: I’m not awkward.
–Bleecker b/w 6th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: catsandgnomes
Wednesday One-Liners Are So Not Hot for Teacher
Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could’ve put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, “Oh, damn, I’m hungry, I should pick that.”
–Stuyvesant High School
Overheard by: Student
Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you’re absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don’t care if you’re walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you’re sucked into candyland–I need a note!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: a note of chocolate?
Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.
–Cooper Union, Astor Place
Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher
Teacher to little boy: You ain’t gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!
–L Train
Overheard by: Misshellee
Principal: I can see what you’re doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you’re trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.
–Bard High School Early College
Wednesday Two-Become-One Liners
Girl on cell: You’re like the male version of me! Of course I want to have sex with you!
–Washington Square Park
Girl: I don’t give a shit about your personal life, will anyone in this bar have goddamn sex with me?!
–Naked Lunch, Tribeca
Guy on cell: So anyway, I told her I’d come and fuck her brains out. Wait a minute, I’ve got another call coming in… (answers) Hi, mom!
–E Train
Gay queen, while female friends take photo of werewolf: It’s worth having sex with just because of the foot…
–The Slaughtered Lamb Pub, West Village
Overheard by: Lost on Christmas Day
Girl on phone: I ain’t denying you shit, motherfucker! You want to pound my ass? Come over and pound me! You want to fill my mouth with juice? Then fill me with juicy goodness! (pause) Okay, I’ll see you later tonight, then.
–W 123rd & 8th Ave
Ferry queer on phone: Everyone looks like the sex they had last night.
–Staten Island
