Archive for the ‘Always Bringing it Back to You!’ Category

If Fox News Writ­ers Script­ed a Teen Dra­ma

15-year-old girl #1: Are you talk­ing pol­i­tics over there? Just shut up!
15-year-old girl #2: Yeah we are–it’s all about Oba­ma.
15-year-old girl #1: What is Oba­ma do­ing for me?
15-year-old girl #2: What is Oba­ma do­ing for you?! I’ll tell you. He’s out there, try­ing to fight for health care to cov­er all of us. That abor­tion you need–you should­n’t have to pay for it. That shit should be cov­ered. None of this ab­sti­nence shit.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Elana

Art for Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art deal­er, but I’m like, the least bour­geois per­son I know.

–Smith & Mills (restau­rant in Tribeca)

Over­heard by: the ler­pa

Lit­tle boy to friends: There are are four re­al­ly big, im­por­tant artists: Mon­et, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pis­ta­chio.

–Im­pres­sion­ism Room, Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: I love Pis­ta­chio’s green pe­ri­od

Young girl: These paint­ings smell nice and fresh!

–The Met

An­gry white sub­ur­ban artist to Jews for Je­sus: Stop talk­ing! You are push­ing this on me with­out me ask­ing ‑that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here ‑we are all white sub­ur­ban artists.

–Mor­gan L Stop on Bog­a­rt

Over­heard by: not a hip­ster

Gangs­ta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Pi­cas­so or some shit?

–The Met

An­tho­ny Michael Hall: “Can I Bor­row Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for 10 Min­utes?”

Pro­fes­sor: They make dis­pos­able every­thing these days. Dis­pos­able di­a­pers, dis­pos­able ra­zors. They even make ed­i­ble un­der­wear, don’t they? (class is silent) Yes! They do! (pause) Maybe I’m telling you more about my­self than I should be…

–Wag­n­er Col­lege

Girl: Wait, my panties!

–Franklin St

Guy on phone: I told you to take your thong off!

–60th & Colum­bus

Man: I do not want to know your bra size! Ever!

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Christi­na M.

Guy on cell: He wore box­ers and it was like, “okay, so you hang to the left…”

–W 46th St

Old­er gen­tle­man to la­dy friend: If this keeps up, I’m go­ing to have to start wear­ing un­der­wear.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: Kat

Pro­fes­sor, Heal Thy­self

Pro­fes­sor: In 10 years, I want to have just been re­leased from jail. I lived in a 5x5 cell, but I’m re­al­ly fit ’cause I learned Pi­lates. I’m al­so an ex­pert in the tan­go. I prac­ticed in jail by my­self, of course, but once I find a girl to dance with I’ll be the best tan­go dancer in the world. I’ll al­so be able to heal peo­ple.

–Gal­latin School Build­ing, NYU

Over­heard by: Moon­lit

Which Speak­er You Find More An­noy­ing Says a Lot About You as a Per­son

En­vi­ron­men­tal­ist with clip­board: Ex­cuse me, do you have a minute to help save the en­vi­ron­ment?
Woman in suit: I’m sor­ry, I al­ready saved the chil­dren this morn­ing and then told the De­mo­c­ra­t­ic Par­ty to go fuck them­selves three blocks ago, so no, I don’t have time to save the en­vi­ron­ment to­day. Maybe to­mor­row, hip­pie.

–Broad­way & Bond

Over­heard by: Bet­ty Noir

New York­ers: Stick­ing To­geth­er

A cashier hands a girl her change.

Girl: Ex­cuse me, but can you give me an­oth­er 20 dol­lar bill? This one looks coun­ter­feit.

The cashier takes the bill, ex­am­ines it, and puts it back in the reg­is­ter. He gives her an­oth­er bill.

Girl: Thanks. I just did­n’t want that one, you know? It did­n’t have the stripe down it. It looked too new. It just did­n’t look right. So don’t give it to me; just give it to the guy be­hind me or some­thing.

–Bagel Maven, 7th Av­enue