Archive for the ‘Anger Management’ Category

Home Is Where You Hang Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sales­woman to cus­tomer on busy day: Some days you re­al­ly should just stay at home. You’re cranky.

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Loud black la­dy on cell: Moth­a­fuck­ah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some oth­er… [whis­pers] bitch.

–Mail room, Fi­nan­cial Dis­trict

Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on any­one else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!

–M14 bus

Over­heard by: Eye­teeth

Con­duc­tor: Jes­si­ca! Jes­si­ca! Girl, you on this train. Jes­si­ca Eliz­a­beth! I’m tak­ing you home, girl.

–6 train

Over­heard by: frida­holic

You Keep Say­ing It, We’ll Keep Post­ing It

Black girl: Some moth­er­fuck­er put me on this site called overheardinnewyork.com. It’s so fucked up. Why would any­one put what I said on the streets to a site? This shit is not fuck­ing fun­ny.
Black guy: What was put up? I got­ta check this out, this shit sounds fun­ny.
Black girl: You were there, it was the time I told this Chi­nese nig­ger to apol­o­gize and he end­ed up telling me to go fuck my­self, and it was post­ed by some moth­er­fuck­er called Ting. Is that even a re­al fuck­ing name?
Black guy: Yeah, I re­mem­ber that, that shit was hi­lar­i­ous.
Black girl: Fuck you laugh­ing at? Don’t make me rip your balls out.

–Q46 bus

Over­heard by: Ting (again!)

The Ant & the Grasshop­per (NYC Edi­tion)

Pro­mot­er guy: Come see a great com­e­dy show tonight! The tick­ets are just $5!
Chick: I can’t, I have to study.
Pro­mot­er guy: Oh come on, you don’t have to study.
Chick: I ac­tu­al­ly do, sor­ry.
Pro­mot­er guy: Study­ing will nev­er get you any­where.
Chick: Yeah, I’ll re­mem­ber that next time I’m sell­ing $5 tick­ets in the snow.

–West 3rd and Sul­li­van

Over­heard by: sarah­belle