Archive for the ‘Anger Management’ Category

I’m Thankful for My Family

Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares!

–Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Michael Barthel

Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking.

–F train

Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year.

–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue

Overheard by: Scott Hoffman

Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…”

–A train

Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat.

–Fine Fair, Avenue C

Overheard by: Catechist

Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we?

–6 train

Overheard by: Chris Mohney

“It's Not You. It's Wednesday One-Liner.”

Screaming, sobbing middle-aged woman to man: Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to me? We made beautiful love last night! Why are you doing this to me?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Laura

Angry woman on cell: You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me! We are done!

–147th & St Nicholas

Man on cell: I'm going to fucking dump that job, like girls dump me.

–45th & 8th

Girl on phone: No wonder he broke up with you, you are a pain in the ass!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Laura

Teen girl on cell: Are you fucking kidding me? You're breaking up with me because I didn't let you lick chocolate off my coochie? That shit's fucked up!

–Bloomingdale's

My Guess? Lonely Man Mails Self Open Parcel

Guy: Why is that package open?
Clerk: I can’t open it.
Guy: It’s already opened, why is it open?
Clerk: Sir, I’m not allowed to open it. If you want it, sign the card.
Guy: I want to know why it’s open, is anything in it?
Clerk: I can’t open it.

3 minutes of this ensue.

Guy: Just give me the stupid package.
Clerk: Why are you still talking?

–Sunnyside post office

Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again.

–uptown C train

Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it!

–43rd & 6th

Overheard by: C Mike

That’s the Axe Effect, You Gauche Biotech

A crazy man mutters to a girl walking by. She ignores him and keeps walking.

Crazy man: God kill all the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians. Kill the lesbians. God please kill all the lesbians!
Woman on bench: Yeah, I’m sure it’s because she is a lesbian, and had has nothing to do with the fact that he has three combs stuck in his afro and smells like a dead goat.

–Columbus Circle station

Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence

Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago.

–34th & 7th

Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.

–33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: Wade

Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cha

Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Braincurve

Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock.

–Central Park

Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…

Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.

–Flatiron District

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