Archive for the ‘Artists’ Category

Full Frontal Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Dude to an­oth­er: Yeah, but she got a yeast in­fec­tion from sit­ting around naked on muffins all day.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: chris

Art­sy guy on cell: No, no, she’s not naked… But you want to see her naked!

–12th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: EthanK

Flight at­ten­dant: Your pi­lot for the flight to­day is Buck Naked. Your first of­fi­cer is Justin Case. That’s just in case Buck Naked de­cides to get buck wild.


Dude: I heard that all they do there is have sex and drink beer… And have naked snow­ball fights.

–41st & 7th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Like Their Women Like They Like Their Cof­fee: Hot, and with a Spoon in Them.

Hip­ster on cell: Dude, yeah, cof­fee gives me the shits too; but I’d rather have the shits than no cof­fee.

–Dunkin’ Donuts

Over­heard by: Mada­lyn

Po­et, sell­ing self-pub­lished book on train: We’re like Star­bucks cof­fee and bis­cot­ti; you’re tall and hot and I’m hard and nut­ty.

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Marc

Lit­tle girl to moth­er: It’s like every sin­gle per­son in the whole wide world came to Star­bucks and we were the veeeer­rrrryyy last ones.


Colonel Sanders-look­ing man, in strong South­ern ac­cent: I want some­thin cold… Whadya git?


You Keep Go­ing Back to the Womb

Mu­si­cian: Oh, so this past tour — you’re gonna laugh.
Friend: Yeah?
Mu­si­cian: This past tour I went skin­ny dip­ping in ho­tel pools three times. The wa­ter’s re­al­ly warm, and the lights have to be off, but they leave the doors open.
Friend: That is so you.

–Man­ny’s Mu­sic Store, 48th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Spi­doo­dle

It’s Too Hard Pre­tend­ing to Be Who I Al­ready Am

Met­ro­sex­u­al: Have you gone to that hair sa­lon I told you about?
Scruffy artist: I walked by…
Met­ro­sex­u­al: It’s beau­ti­ful.
Scruffy artist: I can’t go in. It’s too hip­ster.
Met­ro­sex­u­al: No! It’s an­ti-hip­ster.
Scruffy artist: Well, I can’t do the cul­tur­al math.

–Ft Greene apart­ment build­ing lob­by

The Same Peo­ple Who Read Nicholas Sparks?

Po­et, sell­ing books: All of these books are signed, and when I go on Oprah, you can sell them on eBay!
Pas­sen­ger: Let’s hear a po­em then!
Po­et: You wan­na hear a po­em? “Neigh­bor’s dog leav­ing fe­ces on the side­walk. Squish! Damn. Luck stinks.“
Old man, mum­bling: Who wants to read that kind of bull­shit?

–6 Train

Art for Wednes­day One-Lin­er’s Sake

Woman at bar to her friend: Ok, I know I’m an art deal­er, but I’m like, the least bour­geois per­son I know.

–Smith & Mills (restau­rant in Tribeca)

Over­heard by: the ler­pa

Lit­tle boy to friends: There are are four re­al­ly big, im­por­tant artists: Mon­et, Van Gogh, Renoir and… Pis­ta­chio.

–Im­pres­sion­ism Room, Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: I love Pis­ta­chio’s green pe­ri­od

Young girl: These paint­ings smell nice and fresh!

–The Met

An­gry white sub­ur­ban artist to Jews for Je­sus: Stop talk­ing! You are push­ing this on me with­out me ask­ing ‑that makes you a cult. Go away. We don’t like your kind here ‑we are all white sub­ur­ban artists.

–Mor­gan L Stop on Bog­a­rt

Over­heard by: not a hip­ster

Gangs­ta: Dali? Ain’t he like, Pi­cas­so or some shit?

–The Met