Archive for the ‘Ass’ Category

The Kind Of Thing We’ve Come to Expect from Blondie.

Blonde in convertible: Hey, cutie!
Suit: (turns around briefly, keeps walking)
Blonde: Hey! With the nice ass, we were talking to you!
Suit, walking back to convertible: Yes?
Blonde: My friend here thinks you’re cute and wants your number.
Suit: Uh… I’m flattered, but I have a fiancee, so I’ll pass.
Brunette driver: I didn’t ask if you were single, I said you had a nice ass and I want your number.
Suit: Again, thanks, but no.
Brunette: How about I give you mine?
Blonde: You know, for when the marriage doesn’t work out.
Suit: Yeah, no. But you girls have a great day.

–3rd Ave & 46th St

High Colonic Wednesday One-Liners

Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Jared

Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!

–51st & Broadway

Overheard by: tin steve

Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…

–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square

Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.

–2 train, 72nd St

Overheard by: Brett

Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.

–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx

Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.

–Hoboken PATH Station

Overheard by: Seph

Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo