Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.
–Bakery, 70th & Lex
Balloon-Twisting clown: Ha ha! What are you, some kind of fucking gypsy?
Face painter dressed as gypsy: Do you want a fucking cigarette or what?
–Central Park Zoo
Overheard by: I quit, but that juggler looks like he could
Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.]
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: a
Wheeltard: Round here I’m just an idiot, but not in Brooklyn. I’m king in my neighborhood. When I cross that bridge and they see me comin’, they know I’m king.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Girl: I don’t know who she thinks she is, but just because she’s got cancer doesn’t make her Queen Bitch.
–Bleecker & Broadway
Overheard by: Tony
Chick #1: How many colors are in two rainbows?
Chick #2: Shut up, Kimberly!
–NYU
Overheard by: Clara
Man on cell: I’ve got an idea. How about you go fuck yourself?…Say what? You don’t think so?
Teen girl #1: She just has this sexual vibe about her–
Teen girl #2: No, she doesn’t. She’s fat!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: brownthomas
Jerk: I love making fun of the German. I love making fun of the French, too. I’m an equal opportunity destroyer.
–D Train
Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black