Guy: I’m a NyLon.
Girl: A what?
Guy: A NyLon. New York-Londoner.
Girl: Oh, well, I’m a NoInt.
Guy: NoInt?
Girl: Yeah, Not Interested.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lucy Stone
Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Rent Bronx Butt-Sluts
Hipster: And I was like, ‘Okay, well, here’s some advice for you, then: Why don’t you peel a banana and shove it up your ass?’
–Bedford Ave
Sassy black girl: Man, I love anal sex! That shit puts me to sleep!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: Auston McLain
Girl to guy: I am not shoving anything in your hole!
–LIRR
Overheard by: mish
Middle-aged man: Now I want you to take your dick out and fuck him in the ass.
–5th Ave & Union
Overheard by: Stephen
Woman on cell: You tell him he better pay for it. I better get his money. He needs a dick up the ass, that’s what he needs. A fucking dick up the ass. ‘Cause I got it. I got it all. So he better fucking pay for it.
–Restroom, JFK
Overheard by: colette
Angry man to friend: Well, fuck you up the ass! You just don’t understand religion!
–Empire State Building, 34th & 5th
Overheard by: Wendy Booz
How Wily Odysseus Escaped the Island of Calypso
Conductor on PA: Excuse me, ma’am, maybe it would work better if you went to the next door — it’s less crowded. [Lady walks to next door, but before she gets there the conductor closes them.] Haha, bitch! Toot, toot!
–Crowded 2 train
Overheard by: CeLia
… Ma’am
Lady: Contrary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teaching you manners.
Man: Fuck you.
–33rd & Park
Overheard by: Erik
It’s Funny ’til Somebody Pokes an Eardrum Out
Lady: Oh my god, I’ve heard this song before!
Patron: It’s all ABBA music, jackass.
–Mamma Mia, Winter Garden Theatre
Overheard by: Todd
Talk Is Cheap
Man to guy he bumped into: I hope you have to watch your children die!
Man’s wife: Shhh, honey, you can’t just say that!
–Times Square
I’m More of an ‘Assfuck ’em and Leave ’em Crying in a Puddle of their Own Urine’ Kind of Girl
Teenage girl #1: Then he was kissing my forehead a lot after we hooked up so I told everyone there he was gay.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, that is really gay.
–Houston St station
So I Put the Old Guy Out of His Misery
Shop guy: Well, I can help you if you want.
Old guy with carton of figs: Don’t help me! Do it for me, dammit!
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: punkee
Then Pay Me a Dollar Not to Clean It
Hobo: Hey, can I clean the snow off your car for a dollar?
Girl cleaning car: Ummm, no way.
Hobo: Even when it’s cold white people are assholes.
Girl cleaning car, to passerby: I don’t want his smelly ass touching my baby.
–115th St & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: Paula
Because Mr. Cruise is Clearly Well Balanced
L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.
–Times Square station
Overheard by: ichi gami
