Lady: Contrary to what you may think about your mom, she did a good job teaching you manners.
Man: Fuck you.
–33rd & Park
Overheard by: Erik
Archive for the ‘Assholes’ Category
It’s Funny ’til Somebody Pokes an Eardrum Out
Lady: Oh my god, I’ve heard this song before!
Patron: It’s all ABBA music, jackass.
–Mamma Mia, Winter Garden Theatre
Overheard by: Todd
Talk Is Cheap
Man to guy he bumped into: I hope you have to watch your children die!
Man’s wife: Shhh, honey, you can’t just say that!
–Times Square
I’m More of an ‘Assfuck ’em and Leave ’em Crying in a Puddle of their Own Urine’ Kind of Girl
Teenage girl #1: Then he was kissing my forehead a lot after we hooked up so I told everyone there he was gay.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, that is really gay.
–Houston St station
So I Put the Old Guy Out of His Misery
Shop guy: Well, I can help you if you want.
Old guy with carton of figs: Don’t help me! Do it for me, dammit!
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: punkee
Then Pay Me a Dollar Not to Clean It
Hobo: Hey, can I clean the snow off your car for a dollar?
Girl cleaning car: Ummm, no way.
Hobo: Even when it’s cold white people are assholes.
Girl cleaning car, to passerby: I don’t want his smelly ass touching my baby.
–115th St & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: Paula
Because Mr. Cruise is Clearly Well Balanced
L. Ron Hubtard: Do you have stress?
Man: I live in New York, what the fuck do you think? “Do I have stress?” Fuck you.
–Times Square station
Overheard by: ichi gami
Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds Didn’t Always Get Along During the Filming Of Singin’ in the Rain
Disgruntled woman: You know, you could take someone’s eye out if you’re not careful with that umbrella.
Umbrella-wielding man, cheerily: That is perfectly okay!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: Lysa
They’ve Got Their ‘Good Barista / Bad Barista’ Act Down to a Science
Foreigner: Excusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 holding steamed milk: No. You ordered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
Foreigner, holding drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Order a fuckin’ latte, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour yourself some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!
Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the customer some milk.
Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valentine’s Day — don’t you get emotional. It’s some other holiday. Hell, it’s Christmas. [To customer] Here you go, sir! Merry Christmas!
–Starbucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave
If the Light’s Purple, You’re Crossing Over
Bike guy: The light’s red. Move out of the way.
Woman: Fuck you. I don’t care if the light’s purple, bitch. I cross when I want!
–20th & 8th
