Archive for the ‘Astoria’ Category

Ada Had an Iden­ti­cal Con­ver­sa­tion With the Doc­tor About Her Hus­band’s Vi­a­gra Pre­scrip­tion

Old­er woman: Ex­cuse me, have you found a set of keys in here?
Teller: No, ma’am.
Old­er woman: They’re not mine, they’re a friend’s.
Teller: We haven’t found any.
Old­er woman: If I lost my keys, I would be up­set, and would want the the per­son who found them to give them back.
Teller: We haven’t found your keys.
Old­er woman: If they were my keys I would be very up­set right now.

–Bank, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Year of the Jack­ass

Guy #1: Why did you cut your knish like you’re an Asian per­son?
Girl: Be­cause I’m a jink!
Guy #2: An­na, you are one crazy cook­ie.

–As­to­ria

Man: I have nev­er seen so many chinks in one Star­bucks in all my life.

–Star­bucks, Cros­by & Spring

Over­heard by: Jas

Guy: This is, like, the third time they’ve made me feel stu­pid in pub­lic. God, I hate Chi­nese peo­ple!

–Hous­ton & Suf­folk

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Wednes­day Go-Down-On-Lin­ers

Whole­some-look­ing man, walk­ing with sev­er­al fam­i­lies with kids and car­ry­ing a cross: Je­sus Christ died for our sins to­day so that we can all give blowjobs when­ev­er we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I’ll get on the Jum­boTron if I deep throat this pick­le?

–MSG: Rangers — Caps Play­off Game

40-some­thing, dur­ing high school re­union: How dare you tell my hus­band I gave you a blowjob? I was a vir­gin in high school!

–Out­side Jake’s Dillem­ma

Women on cell: I told him, if he did­n’t start sham­poo­ing his pubes I would stop blow­ing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Mid­dle-aged Ro­man­ian: I heard he gives bet­ter BJs than San­ta Claus!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Crazy Ro­ma­ni­ans

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers See the World With Fresh Eyes

Lit­tle boy to dad: Does the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty have a claw?

–Bat­tery Park

Lit­tle boy to moth­er: Will you hur­ry up? You’re slow­er than my aunt Jebe­di­ah in the bath­tub!

–Clark St, Brook­lyn

Four-year-old boy to moth­er: And then you fed me…from your bel­ly but­ton!

–Old Navy Store

Over­heard by: Joy­ful­ly Yours

Lit­tle boy play­ing with friend: Buenos dias, rep­tile!

–As­to­ria Park

Over­heard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, look­ing at fa­ther’s New York­er mag­a­zine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Do­ma Cafe

Sev­en-year-old with Spi­der­man back­pack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Lit­tle girl with pig­tails, run­ning to sit with fam­i­ly: We’re go­ing to the dark side!

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, from the Red­wood For­est to the Gulf Stream Wa­ters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling ex­cit­ed­ly: I heard they have ba­con fla­vored pop­corn in Flori­da! I love the south!

–Flush­ing, Queens

Hip­ster girl on cell: The en­tire state of Mis­sis­sip­pi is­n’t a com­plete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–At­lantic & Smith, Brook­lyn Heights

Wino, grab­bing can of beer: Here’s 15 cents. I’ll get the rest of it for you to­day. I promise! I’m from Geor­gia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Over­heard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Mari­a’s not dead, Mari­a’s in Vir­ginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Over­heard by: bx­girl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when some­one says they’re throw­ing an “Iowa State Fair”-themed wed­ding, you don’t think twice about go­ing!

–30th Ave, As­to­ria